A Sad True Story

I’m referring mostly here to that society, or culture that has you so worried about living to please everyone to the detriment of yourself. There are many of those, but the one I’m referring to here is the African society.

I never understood why people were so concerned about appearances that they would do anything to not look “bad”.

I came across this true story. I initially hesitated to post it because of the pain it brought to me. I like sharing love, and joy, not pain. How am I going to ensure that this, or something like it, doesn’t happen if people don’t know about it? I have to shine the light on it.

Too many Nigerians are concerned about what people will say. What will people say? I have heard that question so much that it’s irritating. Why should you care about what people will say instead of doing what is right? Having spent part of my formative years in Nigeria, I came across many mothers, and fathers like the ones in this story. Selfish and wicked people who were only concerned about keeping up appearances. I thank God that I had parents that loved and cared for me. Because we don’t get to choose our parents. God knows this 17 year old didn’t.

BELIEVE ME, MUM!

Joanna retched and bent over the toilet bowl.

The pain and nausea twisted her stomach until she couldn’t breathe. The stuff came up and burst out, all yellow and slimy and tasting of bile.

She knew more was coming, so she sat on the bathroom floor waiting. In the interval, the door banged and her mother’s voice asked her to open up. Seconds later, she was standing over her, a look of anger on her face.

She had just begun feeling the wrenching of her gullet when suddenly her mother gave her a resounding slap, She fell on the floor and that was the trigger for another outburst of her stomach’s contents.

When she rose her mother was waiting for her. Tears filled her eyes as she tried to ask her mother for help. She didn’t know what was really happening to her.

Then the sound of her mother’s voice shocked her
“Whose child is it?” she asked

“What do you mean?” she forced to bring out a response. This time the tears were not held back. She began sobbing quietly.
“What do I mean? I am not stupid. Don’t you think I know morning sickness when I see it?

“I’ve heard you vomiting all over my toilet for the last two days. You have been complaining of being sick for three months.
Now tell me, whose baby is it?”

“But mum I’m a vir…”
“shut up!!! do I look like your age mate?”

There was more retching and vomiting. She was getting weaker and weaker, loosing energy to even explain herself to her mum, she wished God will touch her mother’s heart to help her get to a hospital before the blames.

When she was done, she kept heaving but nothing would come out. Sobs gushed out of her as her mother glared at her in anger. Not ready to calm down or even help.

“All this time I thought I was raising a daughter and instead I have a whore in the house! Those tears will not help you. Tell me
who the father is before I beat it out of you”
“Mum…I…”
“If you don’t stop calling me mum and tell me who father of that bastard is, I’ll give you the dirtiest slap of your life! Was I there when that baby was made?. Do you expect me to be the proud grandmother of an illegitimate child? And who do you think will pay for that child’s upkeep?

“Believe me mum I am a vir…….”
“The mother gave her a very hot slap in the face stopping her from completing the word “Virgin”

“What do you think the neighbors are going to say of me? Do you think I can walk into church with my head up anymore? I will make you regret every second of that day you decided to bring shame on me!”

You will pay for every embarrassment I shall suffer!”

“MUM!” She was screaming now. “I’m not pregnant!”
“Don’t you dare! It’s bad enough you spread your legs for every man, now you look me in the eye and lie? Pack your things. I want you and that bastard out of my house.”

“But mum… I…”
“Nothing. I want you to leave in the next 30minutes or I will throw you out like a dog.”

Joanna was left crying as her mother walked away without a backward glance. She was in too much pain to move but she knew her mother. If she did not willingly leave she would be beaten up like a thief and is already weak and in severe abdominal pains.

She dragged herself on the floor to her room and packed her things slowly. A severe pain was going through her but she ignored it.

She had 10 minutes left and her mother was already yelling for her to get out. She couldn’t believe this was happening. She wasn’t pregnant, but her mother would never believe her.

The pain increased and she screamed out for her mother. Her mother came to the door but was unmoved.

“Stop that acting and get out.”
“Mum help me!” she cried clutching her tummy as she fell to the ground.

Her mother simply watched her, yelling about how it would be good if she lost that bastard. She didn’t want an illegitimate child.

Joanna cried and said a prayer for God to forgive her mother as she felt the life get sucked out of her but her mother was still unmoved.

“I love you mum, and I’m not pregnant, you’ve trained me well and I know no man……but I’m sorry I don’t really know what is making me feel this way, I wish you send me or my body to the doctors to actually tell you what is wrong with me, I know it won’t be pregnancy,  trust me, but whatever it’ll be…… will be too late for any help”. She managed to tell the mother who was now touched and trying to help her to the hospital

Joanna was pronounced dead on arrival to the hospital

Days later, the autopsy results were in. Her mother had ranted about a pregnancy and the doctor had to set the record straight.

The doctor was brief. He had learnt from experience that it was best to give this sort of news in the fewest words possible. He broke it down into simple layman’s terms.

“Your daughter was not pregnant. She had ovarian cysts, which raptured and she bled out when they raptured. If she had gotten to hospital in time, we could have saved her. May she rest in perfect peace”

Joanna’s mother sat there in shock. Her daughter had told her the truth. She allowed her daughter to die in pain. Tears ran down her face as she thought of the last words of her daughter before her death.

She had failed as a mother and as a human being. Joanna’s death was all her fault.

You must not always be the best judge, you may be judging wrongly like Joanna’s mother, even if at all you won’t help, just listen before you end up with “HAD I KNOWN”

Treat every life as a life to exist only once.

This is a true story. Yes, some women can do worse than that and may God have mercy upon the soul of little Joanna who was only 17years.
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THE END

Even if she were pregnant, is this the way to handle the issue? Why couldn’t she just help? This hurts too much.

Fear is Believing

You were so afraid it would happen, and it did. You attracted the thing you feared. Fear is strong belief that what you’re afraid of will happen. Just as when you have faith, it is strong belief that what you want will happen.

“Whether you think you can, or you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford

Don’t say that you’re not strong enough. Everything you need is inside you. You are strong enough. You can change your situation. Only you can.

You are the author of your life. Decide what you want to happen and make it happen.

“What will be, will be” never is. People make things happen. Don’t let fear paralyze you. Decide to make the change that you know in your heart you should make. Little by little things will begin to fall in place, because you believed they would. Because you believed in yourself. Because you believed in your ability to create your world.

Much Love and Laughter!

Personally Knowing Him

We hear many different perceptions of how God is, but we can only truly know him when we seek to know him personally.

It’s just like knowing a friend. When you have a personal relationship with a person, you won’t believe all the lies other people may tell you about them.

A lot of Christians make it difficult, and sometimes impossible for people to know God. They say things about him that are made up notions. The fact that your father was a wicked man, does not mean God is that way. Some people are downright evil and then claim to know God.

The Bible makes it very clear. God is love. And then it describes love in many words. Love is patient and kind, forgives easily, doesn’t hold grudges, seeks good always etc. How is it then that some people call him the God that will rain fire down and kill you? I never understood that. Jesus came to show us the father in the New Testament.

I remember one place where Jesus went into a city and the people weren’t prepared for him. They treated him so badly, that two of his disciples asked if they should call on fire from heaven to consume them. Jesus’ first response was one of shock, “what?”, he asked. Then he said, “Don’t you know what kind of men you are?”. He was surprised that these men had followed him all this time and still didn’t know him (remind you of some people). He is love.

Could he have rained down fire from heaven? Sure! But that was not who he was. Then you wonder where some Christians get the idea of God raining fire, or destroying their enemies from. First of all, you have no enemies. People are never your enemies. Just because a woman refuses to be controlled by her husband, he begins to pray stupid prayers that go nowhere. Even God does not seek control that’s why he gave everyone the power of choice. He lays out the options, and then you choose.

The truth is that even when you make a mistake. You did something you shouldn’t have done, or said something. As a child  of God, he turns it around to your favor. So you are never disadvantaged. You only feel disadvantaged because you don’t believe that you’re not, and hence you attract the very thing you were afraid of.

Much Love and Laughter!

Listen to Your Heart

Everyone has an in-built guide. It’s a voice, a knowing, a nudge that guides you from danger.

Some people have developed it and some haven’t, but everyone has it.

Listen to your heart. In every issue, listen to your heart. It may save your life.

I know you think you know that person, and you may, but if there’s some red light on the inside of you, why not step back a little?

I cannot count the many times I just felt that something or someone was off. I retreated to evaluate the situation, only to find out that I was right. I couldn’t tell what it was, but I just had some nudging inside, and it has never failed.

I also remember the times I had the nudge and ignored it, only to discover it was right.

If you listen to some people that are in certain situations and happen to make it out alive, there is this common thread, “I felt something was wrong, but couldn’t tell what” or, “something told me this wasn’t right”. There are many variations to it, but the common thing is that they knew deep inside. Listen to your heart.

I read about a Nigerian lady this morning. Her story was so heartbreaking that I started to cry.  I know some people think these things only happen over there, but they do everywhere, it’s just more over there because of the way the women are still looked at as a little less human.

This lady was butchered by her fiancee just because of his insecurities. I am always flabbergasted by the reasoning behind such nonsense. It’s always about their insecurities. My prayers go out to her family. I wish I could say that this is a peculiar situation.

Being in a relationship is not a requirement for living. There’s no need for a relationship that requires you to lay down your life. How many times does someone have to die? Jesus already died so that you can live, why die again? It is so senseless. I don’t even know this woman and it hurts so much.

Listen to your heart women. I could have been a statistic too, but as soon as the light went off inside me, I took action. I wanted to live. I will begin a series to tell my story, maybe it will help someone. Sometimes everything looks okay, but if you get the light on the inside, then everything is not okay.

Listen to your heart!

Everything happens for a …

Reason?

I hear this phrase often. Just because everybody is saying it doesn’t make it right.

I try to justify the reason behind the many evil things that happen, and no matter how I twist my mind they cannot be justified.

I don’t know about you, but it’s hard for me to accept that phrase. I do however believe that even when things are going wrong, and evil seems to prevail at the moment, we can learn something from it. We are never disadvantaged because even when we make a mistake that cause the bad things to happen, as a child of God, He turns it around to favor us.

Everything doesn’t happen for a reason. People cause things to happen and whether they are good or bad, we can learn from them.

You are never disadvantaged.

Much Love and Laughter!

 

My Sweet Mother

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I have enormous love and respect for my mother. If she lets me, one day, I would like to tell her story. I wrote this for her.

Sweet and tender,

Long-suffering and kind,

No matter the day, issue or time,

You’re always my biggest fan.

 

Happy Mother’s day to all the mothers out there!

You’re Not Alone

I know it can feel very lonely when you’re going through something. You feel like nobody has ever been in that situation before, and you’re the only one in it.

But you’re not. You’re not alone. Neither are you the only one going through it. I know your mind is constantly telling you that you’re the only one, but you’re not.

Change that recording in your head to say other things to you. Things like, “I’m not alone”, “I’m strong and will come out on top of this”, “Nothing is impossible to me”.

Words alter feelings. As you speak these words, you’ll begin to feel strength and courage rise up inside of you. They were always there just waiting to be stirred up. So stir up yourself.

Then doors will begin to open to you. You’ll begin to see possibilities and opportunities everywhere.

Much love and laughter!

 

The Value of a Thing

When we go to a store to buy something, we expect to get our money’s worth for the item. If we buy a purse for $50, it means the worth or value of the purse is $50.

Being a christian, I see things based on the Bible. I like to study for myself because experience has taught me to always do my own research. You can’t just put your life in the hands of a person. They are human, and even with the best intentions are bound to make mistakes.

Someone once told me that Christians cannot be feminists. It was a man, and he totally got the meaning wrong, plus in his mind men are superior to women. I had to give him some food for thought.

“Jesus died for the whole world, right?” He agreed.

So I went on to explain.

Well, we both know that John 3:16, says that he died for everyone, men and women. The price he paid was for both men and women. And anyone who believes has eternal life. The same kind of life for both men and women.

So would you say that in the mind of God, women are just as valuable as men? Because I can’t find that place where He sent Jesus to die for men, and then thought, “well, women are not as valuable so let me send an angel to die for them”.

And we know that God is an excellent businessman. You should read the Bible. You’ll find out. He is not going to pay more than a thing is worth, and He knows exactly how much the life of a woman and man mean to Him. He paid the highest and best that He had for both. Then He gave us the Holy Spirit. There isn’t the Holy Spirit for men, and then an inferior one for women because they are of lesser value. In God’s mind, they are of equal value.

So why the difference?

Selah (pause and think about it).

Defining

Feminist.

I know. The word has been beaten, misconstrued and misunderstood.

What it’s not:

It doesn’t mean a woman. It can be a man or a woman.

It’s not a curse word.

It doesn’t mean women that hate men.

Neither does it mean that women are superior to men.

The Oxford dictionary defines feminism as the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of equality of the sexes.

I particularly like the way Chimamanda Adichie defines it. She says, “my own definition of a feminist is a man or woman who says, yes, there’s a problem with gender as it is today and we must fix it. We must do better. All of us, women and men, must do better.”

See Chimamanda Adichie’s full video at www.https://youtu.be/hg3umXU_qWc