Wings

All of life is about perspective. Your mind determines the quality of life you have, because your perception is your reality. It may not be right, but if your mind says it is, then it is. That’s why Henry Ford said, “If you believe you believe you can, or you can’t, you’re right”.

Being able to be thankful in any situation is a beautiful thing. Because that attitude of thankfulness is what gives you wings to move to higher heights. I prefer the word thankful to gratitude, both great words, but thankful conveys more of what I’m saying. I’ll explain in a later post.  Thankfulness is a sign of humility. Only the humble can find reasons to be thankful. As they give thanks, there’s something called “grace” that is given to them. Grace is an unseen force, but it’s effects are undeniable. It causes doors that would normally be shut, open up to you. It causes some people to just like you and want to favor you. It causes you to be at the right place, at the right time, and hands to you opportunities that you may think you don’t deserve, but you do. Because of grace, you meet certain people that change your whole life. Grace is a gift given to the humble.

I tell people all the time that humility is not stupidity, because some are under the impression that to be humble, you must be someone that everyone walks over. Others think that you must be this low life, dressed shabbily, walking with your shoulders slouched and head down. That isn’t humility. The fact that a person is poor doesn’t necessarily make him humble. In fact, a lot of poor people are very proud. That is why some of them never get out. Some are bitter and angry with the rich, as though the world is not open to everyone. They make judgments about people they don’t even know. Many tend to talk more than they listen, and don’t follow instructions. How can you learn when you are talking all the time, and think you know more than everyone else? The “grace” factor is not there. They find that they are being resisted from advancing. If an individual is being resisted by a power higher than him, how can he make any progress?

All that can change with a change of attitude. It’s easy to be a thankful person. It’s easy to find ways to be thankful. It starts with the things we may call little, like your health, and life, and your family, even that job you hate. Find ways to be thankful for it because with it you can move into the job you love. Be thankful for the people in your life, and those that left (or the ones you evicted). Be thankful for the ones that helped you, and those that hurt you. If you see life as a winning game, you will always be thankful. It doesn’t matter what happens, you always win. That is really the truth, but again remember, your perception is your reality.

Thanksgiving keeps a smile on your face.

You’ll discover that you can’t have a thankful attitude and an angry, sad or bitter one at the same time.  As you get into it, you will begin to see clearly. Your heart and your mind begin to open up, you’ll see opportunities that were right in front of you, but you were so blind. Your health will even begin to improve almost immediately.

Oh! the wonders of thanksgiving. Whether we believe it or not, there is a greater being that created us and loves us. Your life is bigger than just you, because your purpose is bigger than you. Nobody was created to serve himself. As you begin to be thankful to God in any situation you find yourself, and develop that habit, you will begin to see and understand your purpose.

This is not about religion. I don’t believe in religion. This is about being thankful. It’s not about what you’ve done, are doing, or will do. It’s not about cleaning up your ways. Just right where you are, forget everything else, take a moment to be still and be thankful. It will give you wings!

Much love and laughter!

Two Awesome Gifts

There are many great gifts one can give and receive, but then there are gifts that never stop giving and enriching the lives of those that give.

  1. Forgiveness. It’s a gift you give yourself. It’s so enriching, empowering and freeing. I heard Bishop T.D Jakes said, “when you hold onto your history, you can’t pursue your destiny”.

You have to let go of things people have done, are doing, or will do. Plan ahead of time to forgive, then you will have it always ready. Because people are going to do things that you will need to forgive, and as long as you have prepared to forgive, it will just flow naturally like you prepared a box of treats to give out.

Free yourself from the chains. I know what they did was terrible. I’m not justifying it, but I am saying that you are bigger than those things. As long as you hold onto them, you give them the power over you and you remain in that spot. You can’t move on, because you have somehow chosen to stay chained to the situation. But you have the power to move on. You can forgive that person, not because of them, but because of you. It’s so good to just let it go and not care about it. And be happy.

2. Love. It’s such an awesome gift. No wonder the Bible says, “God is Love”. Just being able to love the wicked and unlovely person, puts you in a position of control. You are in control of the situation. It doesn’t control you. That racist, sexist or abusive person has no power over you because you choose to stay in that place of love. In the case of abuse, you are free to leave them and love them from a distance, but love and forgive them you must if you want a fulfilling life. Love is the shield that covers you.

Forgiveness and love. Two very powerful gifts. Choose to forgive yourself and to love yourself, and you will find it easy to forgive and love others.

 

Much love and laughter!

 

 

Authentically You

Be you authentically. Let your life radiate the purpose and the person you were designed to be. There’s only one of you. Nobody can be you.

Refuse to be defined by what’s on the outside. Refuse to allow the noise drown your voice. So what if you’re different? It’s not bad, just different. Everything around us was created or designed by some person. Why must you change your whole life just to fit in a box that you were never created to be in?

Freedom is living without allowing the expectations and thoughts of others define you. That’s the moment you’re truly free. They are not qualified to design your life. You are the architect. You design it. Design it the way God intended it to be. Follow his lead.

Choose today to be authentically you.

Much love and laughter!

 

Love Yourself

Aren’t you sometimes your worst critic? You tend to see mistakes and missteps in things you’ve done or allowed to be done to you. Take it easy with yourself.

I’m saying be kind to yourself, and take time to love yourself. For in loving yourself you can love others. The greatest thing we can do I believe is to love ourselves. Love yourself because God loves you. He loves you not as you’re going to be, but just as you are. And if he can do that, we must do it too. Have respect for yourself, for then you will have respect for others and be able to show people how to respect you. The truth is people take clues from the way they see you treat yourself. Would you stand by, see someone approach your home, and open the door to them to dump trash in your house? Would you say nothing? Why would you let anyone invade your space with anything trash, whether it’s their words, or their actions? Love yourself.

You may not know or it may not have dawned on you that you are a king. But that doesn’t change the fact that you are. Yes, I mean “King”. That word does not belong to one sex. It belongs to those who are kings whether they are male or female. And as a king you ought to choose what you want. If you allow trash in, everyone will think it’s okay to dump trash there because you have allowed it. You have to say, “no more”.

Treat yourself like a friend. Spend time with yourself. Laugh at and with yourself. Life is too short to be serious all the time. Be lighthearted. Be silly. Discover or rediscover yourself. And when you begin to love yourself, the whole world will fall in love with you. Maybe they don’t, but it sure seems like they do, because all you is love. Then you’ll be able to love others. For one cannot give what he doesn’t have.

“Be careful when a naked man offers you a shirt” – African Proverb

Always Evolving

Life is not static. It’s always evolving, always changing. The only constant thing is change. So we have the choice to change. We can move along a certain path, or choose another. Not choosing is a also choice. Maybe not a very pleasant one, but it is one.

“What will be will be” is a phrase we hear a lot. As a young teen I heard it, sometimes believed it (because of that melancholic feeling that something else controlled everything), and then started questioning it. I was curious. My childlike reasoning would often think, “But if that is true, then I don’t have to wash the dishes, they’ll just get washed. I don’t need to fetch water (https://goo.gl/images/umfQuA)”. I reasoned this way because these were things I didn’t like doing.

I don’t think that has changed. People make things happen. People cause changes. If you want a change, you have to make it. The truth is, if you don’t make the change you want, a change will still be made for you, it just may not be the one you want.

Take the example of a land. The farmer that wants corn, must plant corn. If he says, “what will be will be. If God wants me to have corn, then I’ll have corn”. He will be amazed that he will still get a harvest, a harvest of weeds. Nature abhors vacuums so something will still grow on the land.

Begin to move in the direction you always wanted to, you’ll find that as you make steps, things that you need start coming to you, or you begin to find out places to get them. It’s the universe causing things to align to you. You begin to meet people that can point you in the right direction, or tell you things you need to know. But you have to choose to make the change and take the first step toward your dream.

I’m rooting for you. I know you can do it despite the odds against you.

Much love and laughter!

You are Enough

No. You don’t have to change your hair, or your look. You are enough.

You don’t have to have so much money, or attain a certain status. You are enough.

Of course, you have the ability to change anything in your life. Change it because it’s right for you. You can change your wardrobe, lose the weight, change that job, join that church, leave that other one, leave that relationship, start that relationship, change your friends, do whatever, but not because you are not enough. You are enough.

Do it because you know that there is greatness in you waiting to be released to the world. Do it because you know it is good for your health, and you need to be here long enough to fulfill your purpose. Do it because it feels like the right thing to do. Because you are enough. You are enough.

Don’t let anyone make you feel that you are not. You choose how to feel. It’s a choice. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

You don’t need to change a thing to be enough. You are enough.

Much love and laughter!

What Would You Do?

I came across a Facebook post that I thought was interesting. I talked about this issue in one of my posts. The “what would people say?”question. Africans are so plagued by the disease of living in the minds and mouths of other people. They allow what people are saying, or will say, hinder them from doing what they should be doing.

Here’s the link, http://proudlyoruba.com/i-have-paid-for-my-mistakes-lanre-teriba/ I cannot understand why it bothers him that people are talking. People always talk. It’s what they do. In fact, you should be concerned if they don’t talk about you because that means that you’re not doing anything significant.

The issue here is that he had an affair with another woman, and had a child out of wedlock. He’s a gospel artist. His wife has forgiven him, but people haven’t.

I don’t see why this is such a big deal when he’s resolved it with the only two people that matter. The greater question here is, “what you would do if your wife had done that to you? Would you have been forgiving to her and still stay with her?

Some men gave their thoughts like I knew they would.

African men are very hypocritical when it comes to issues concerning women. They think women are inferior to them and generally treat them so. Even some of those that claim to be Christians.  I have told people many times that the fact that a person goes to church doesn’t mean that he knows God. Just like the fact that your dog sleeps in the garage doesn’t make it a car. They may know about God, but have never had a personal working relationship with him. That’s the reason they are so ignorant about issues he’s concerned about.

I could not read all the comments, but three men commented that they would never forgive a woman for having an affair. One said it was an abomination. Let’s be clear about one thing, having an affair is not right for either a man or a woman.

Tolerating an affair for a man, and making it an abomination for a woman is not God’s way. When it comes to a woman, the “sin” suddenly seems to become more grave. It’s the backwardness in the minds of the African man. Some even come with the fire and thunder message as though God gave it to them.

Haven’t you ever read that he is a God of love? He didn’t think anything was wrong with Rahab, the prostitute. He loved her so much that he decided to bring his holy son Jesus from her lineage.

Another woman was dragged to Jesus (it’s always the women dragged). According to the religious men that brought her, she was caught in the very act of adultery … I thought that adultery had to be committed by two people… it’s always been the problem with men. They want to throw the woman under the bus, all the time doing the same things they are accusing her of.

The hypocrisy.

Much love and laughter!

 

 

Keep Going Happily

Never give up. Never quit on yourself. Keep going.

Believe that you can do it, and do it.

Even when nobody believes you, believe yourself. If you don’t, how can you expect others to believe?

I haven’t posted for a little over a week, because I am transitioning to a self-hosted site, but the transition seems to be taking longer than I thought, so I decided to keep writing until it’s ready. There’s so much that I have to share with you.

Happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy.  It doesn’t matter what is happening to you. it matters how you see it, and choose to react to it. I remember going through some really difficult places in my life and keeping the joy. My daughter used to ask me why I was singing. It seemed like the whole world was coming down on us and I was singing and laughing.

I just figured that if I’ve done everything I know to do and it’s coming down on us anyway, I might as well be happy in the situation. You don’t have to be happy about the situation, but while in it, you can choose to be happy.

From experience, I’ve learned that I can also be happy for the situation, because although I may have caused it, or done something to cause it, it always works out well for me in the long run. Nobody could have said it better then Tony Robbins, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvebXb59cf8

So keep going, never give up. Never. And if you’re going to do something, anything, choose to do it with joy. Why suffer through it?

Much love and laughter!

 

A Sad True Story

I’m referring mostly here to that society, or culture that has you so worried about living to please everyone to the detriment of yourself. There are many of those, but the one I’m referring to here is the African society.

I never understood why people were so concerned about appearances that they would do anything to not look “bad”.

I came across this true story. I initially hesitated to post it because of the pain it brought to me. I like sharing love, and joy, not pain. How am I going to ensure that this, or something like it, doesn’t happen if people don’t know about it? I have to shine the light on it.

Too many Nigerians are concerned about what people will say. What will people say? I have heard that question so much that it’s irritating. Why should you care about what people will say instead of doing what is right? Having spent part of my formative years in Nigeria, I came across many mothers, and fathers like the ones in this story. Selfish and wicked people who were only concerned about keeping up appearances. I thank God that I had parents that loved and cared for me. Because we don’t get to choose our parents. God knows this 17 year old didn’t.

BELIEVE ME, MUM!

Joanna retched and bent over the toilet bowl.

The pain and nausea twisted her stomach until she couldn’t breathe. The stuff came up and burst out, all yellow and slimy and tasting of bile.

She knew more was coming, so she sat on the bathroom floor waiting. In the interval, the door banged and her mother’s voice asked her to open up. Seconds later, she was standing over her, a look of anger on her face.

She had just begun feeling the wrenching of her gullet when suddenly her mother gave her a resounding slap, She fell on the floor and that was the trigger for another outburst of her stomach’s contents.

When she rose her mother was waiting for her. Tears filled her eyes as she tried to ask her mother for help. She didn’t know what was really happening to her.

Then the sound of her mother’s voice shocked her
“Whose child is it?” she asked

“What do you mean?” she forced to bring out a response. This time the tears were not held back. She began sobbing quietly.
“What do I mean? I am not stupid. Don’t you think I know morning sickness when I see it?

“I’ve heard you vomiting all over my toilet for the last two days. You have been complaining of being sick for three months.
Now tell me, whose baby is it?”

“But mum I’m a vir…”
“shut up!!! do I look like your age mate?”

There was more retching and vomiting. She was getting weaker and weaker, loosing energy to even explain herself to her mum, she wished God will touch her mother’s heart to help her get to a hospital before the blames.

When she was done, she kept heaving but nothing would come out. Sobs gushed out of her as her mother glared at her in anger. Not ready to calm down or even help.

“All this time I thought I was raising a daughter and instead I have a whore in the house! Those tears will not help you. Tell me
who the father is before I beat it out of you”
“Mum…I…”
“If you don’t stop calling me mum and tell me who father of that bastard is, I’ll give you the dirtiest slap of your life! Was I there when that baby was made?. Do you expect me to be the proud grandmother of an illegitimate child? And who do you think will pay for that child’s upkeep?

“Believe me mum I am a vir…….”
“The mother gave her a very hot slap in the face stopping her from completing the word “Virgin”

“What do you think the neighbors are going to say of me? Do you think I can walk into church with my head up anymore? I will make you regret every second of that day you decided to bring shame on me!”

You will pay for every embarrassment I shall suffer!”

“MUM!” She was screaming now. “I’m not pregnant!”
“Don’t you dare! It’s bad enough you spread your legs for every man, now you look me in the eye and lie? Pack your things. I want you and that bastard out of my house.”

“But mum… I…”
“Nothing. I want you to leave in the next 30minutes or I will throw you out like a dog.”

Joanna was left crying as her mother walked away without a backward glance. She was in too much pain to move but she knew her mother. If she did not willingly leave she would be beaten up like a thief and is already weak and in severe abdominal pains.

She dragged herself on the floor to her room and packed her things slowly. A severe pain was going through her but she ignored it.

She had 10 minutes left and her mother was already yelling for her to get out. She couldn’t believe this was happening. She wasn’t pregnant, but her mother would never believe her.

The pain increased and she screamed out for her mother. Her mother came to the door but was unmoved.

“Stop that acting and get out.”
“Mum help me!” she cried clutching her tummy as she fell to the ground.

Her mother simply watched her, yelling about how it would be good if she lost that bastard. She didn’t want an illegitimate child.

Joanna cried and said a prayer for God to forgive her mother as she felt the life get sucked out of her but her mother was still unmoved.

“I love you mum, and I’m not pregnant, you’ve trained me well and I know no man……but I’m sorry I don’t really know what is making me feel this way, I wish you send me or my body to the doctors to actually tell you what is wrong with me, I know it won’t be pregnancy,  trust me, but whatever it’ll be…… will be too late for any help”. She managed to tell the mother who was now touched and trying to help her to the hospital

Joanna was pronounced dead on arrival to the hospital

Days later, the autopsy results were in. Her mother had ranted about a pregnancy and the doctor had to set the record straight.

The doctor was brief. He had learnt from experience that it was best to give this sort of news in the fewest words possible. He broke it down into simple layman’s terms.

“Your daughter was not pregnant. She had ovarian cysts, which raptured and she bled out when they raptured. If she had gotten to hospital in time, we could have saved her. May she rest in perfect peace”

Joanna’s mother sat there in shock. Her daughter had told her the truth. She allowed her daughter to die in pain. Tears ran down her face as she thought of the last words of her daughter before her death.

She had failed as a mother and as a human being. Joanna’s death was all her fault.

You must not always be the best judge, you may be judging wrongly like Joanna’s mother, even if at all you won’t help, just listen before you end up with “HAD I KNOWN”

Treat every life as a life to exist only once.

This is a true story. Yes, some women can do worse than that and may God have mercy upon the soul of little Joanna who was only 17years.
.
.
.
.
THE END

Even if she were pregnant, is this the way to handle the issue? Why couldn’t she just help? This hurts too much.

Fear is Believing

You were so afraid it would happen, and it did. You attracted the thing you feared. Fear is strong belief that what you’re afraid of will happen. Just as when you have faith, it is strong belief that what you want will happen.

“Whether you think you can, or you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford

Don’t say that you’re not strong enough. Everything you need is inside you. You are strong enough. You can change your situation. Only you can.

You are the author of your life. Decide what you want to happen and make it happen.

“What will be, will be” never is. People make things happen. Don’t let fear paralyze you. Decide to make the change that you know in your heart you should make. Little by little things will begin to fall in place, because you believed they would. Because you believed in yourself. Because you believed in your ability to create your world.

Much Love and Laughter!